Episode 22 - Dating a Best Friend's Ex?!

Updated: Nov 12, 2020

Instinctively, we as women typically react with an instant "Never!". But that's what this episode questions... are there ever any scenarios in which this is ever permissible?

We talked about this scenario in our episode, click here to listen.

Friendship is such an interesting relationship, the dynamics have so many variables - the nature of your friendship can depend on when and how you met or how old you were when you met. It can vary based on your personality types, they can be a long term acquaintance you see regularly and you call "friend" but it's quietly understood you're not exactly going to ask them to be a bridesmaid at your wedding. They can be a friend of a friend who you can easily consult o a lot of topics but if their ex ever asked you out, your instinct wouldn't be to say "Never!!". And then you have best friends, those ride or die's, your guaranteed bridesmaids, it's a lot harder to blur the lines of right and wrong with these relationships.

I think ultimately, we (usually) date for marriage. That doesn't necessarily mean you want to meet and marry within 2 years, but that's the general direction of long term relationships. So we quite naturally have preconceived notions and expectations of romantic relationships... unlike friendships. With friends, we're much more likely to let it develop with ease and just let it flow. You don't typically get to the 6 month point with an acquaintance and have the "Where is this going?" chat. The short and long term expectation is just different!

So we can consider dating an acquaitance's ex, but not a best friend's ex - but when we really think about it, your choice of a marital partner and fellow parent is probably the most important decision you will make in your life. What if your best option was your best friend's ex? What if they broke up several years ago and you know he's genuinely moved on and she's still convinced he was her soul mate?

Now, this doesn't always mean you were lusting over him when they were together. You may have just grown into a different life arena and are now seeing him in a new light. On the flip side, what if your friend wants to date the ex love of your life? You know the relationship is done with, and you've even come to terms with it - but the thought of it still just hurts. Maybe it's because getting over a break up is such a long road, it's a process of letting go of the future you could have had. Then suddenly you see the potential of that future being lived by your best friend. Then again, what if they really are meant for each other?

We really want to hear about your thoughts on this episode; tell us if you've ever done anything along those lines or had it done to you. Maybe it's something that happened years ago and you reacted in a particular way, but now you look back and think about how you could have handled it differently. Or...*whispers* you've fallen for your best friend's partner and don't know what to do about it...


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