First Dates gone wrong

We’re back to Relationship Q & A’s!

This week we’re discussing the age old problem of “Who pays on the first date?”

Listen here, for a quick catch up.

After being put in a predicament where her date was supposedly couldn’t pay the bill on their first official date – the listener with the first scenario asks if she should have paid, then let him transfer the money to her later. Or, for our more controversial listeners, should she have refused to even get her card out?!

In this modern day and age with the advent of feminism and the 50/50 movement, how do you all feel about who pays on the first date? A lot people are happy for the guy to cover it as the relationship develops then the flow of money starts to balance out a little bit more. For others out there, the idea of this would still be unacceptable – opting to only date men who always cover the bill (shocking, but true). Then there are those rare women who will boldly ask him out on the first date and pay all expenses. One thing that can be agreed is that there is no right or wrong way to do things on a first date as long as both parties are happy with the arrangement!

The tables turn when that arrangement is broken like our listener's date who offered to compensate her with the money later but then pretty much ghosted her. In this scenario, would you say she should feel wronged? Or do you think she should have accepted it considering someone had to pay for the date, and she’s probably had plenty of free first dates in her life – it’s only fair that she pays for some of it! Overall, do you think there’s any way he could have justified not paying her back?

And what if they are going down the traditional route and he has no problem paying but ends up being surprised by how much the date costs?! If your nice dinner and drinks ends up going over his budget, what happens then? You would probably pay the remainder if he was honest about it wouldn't you? As Rumbi always recommends; you should have enough money to cover the full date and your own transport home – just in case you come across a scandalous F boy.

In other news, we talked about women who choose to wait to have sex with a new partner. You may have decided to wait for however many dates, or weeks, or Steve Harvey’s recommended “90 days”. But one of our male listeners asks about why women who aren’t virgins and who are going to have sex with a guy anyway, choose to wait so long before they finally ‘put out’. For the man, it (apparently) makes very little difference when you have sex, provided he actually likes you. If he’s not that into your personality then he’s unlikely to have the patience required (usually), but if he does like you and he gets that big night 3 months later, then it may have made difference to how he feels at all!

But we know, ladies, that it’s not always about trying to get a sense of respect from him and for yourself, but a lot of the time you need to hold off until you personally feel comfortable enough in his company. Yes, sometimes, she’s actually just allowing some time to get to know you properly so that when she gives you her body, you know you’ve passed all the tests. When a woman chooses to sleep with a man may be trivial to him, but if she’s unlikely to give you her phone password in the first few months, then there’s a good chance she feels like her body is much more private than that!

This is a really interesting topic for us, so we’ve decided to give you the mic so we can find out what you think. So this time we’re asking you to send us you voice note response to “why do women who aren’t virgins decide to wait until they have sex with a new partner?”. We’ll keep your voice notes anonymous (if you want and we can respond to them in an upcoming episode. We can’t wait to hear all the opinions from both male and female listeners!

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