Red Flags in Relationships

This week we explore relationship red flags! Most of us have been with that one person who started dropping red flags from day one and we chose to ignore it. If you really like them, then it’s usually much further into the relationship or even at the very end that you realise that they never really hid who they were… you just refused to believe them.

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They haven't introduced you to their friends or family

Have you ever been in what felt like a serious and long term relationship and they still haven’t introduced you to their friends or family? Surely if they genuinely see something with you then they would have some sort of desire to integrate you into other parts of their life. Lifelong friends and family are hugely important and they hold a special place in our hearts, so if you’re also special to him then what’s the real reason he doesn’t want you to meet them? That’s almost as weird as him ensuring his friends never come into any type of contact with his family – that’s just not normal is it?

They compare you to their Ex

Another red flag is when he’s comparing you to his ex. This can be done in a really clear and obvious way but also it can be subtle – but your intuition will still pick up on it. Yes, you can get the typical and manipulative scenario where he says something along the lines of “my ex was better at this”, but sometime he praises you in comparison, like you’re the ‘upgrade’. The truth of the matter is there should be no good reason why an ex’s name pops up regularly in a relationship, even in a positive way – because the more they come up, the more time’s he’s thinking of them.

Controlling behaviour

Red flags can be a warning for a partner who may be dangerous, or maybe they’re just not made for you. When we talk about red flags, they can be some indication that you’re about to have a toxic relationship, but they can also just be a sign that this person doesn’t match you. For example, a partner who prohibits you from spending time with family or friends or not allowing you to do certain activities. This could start off being a small gesture of him refusing for you to go out with your friends one night and escalate to more activities. Emotional and domestic abuse can present itself in different forms therefore it is good to be able to identify these red flags in particular. Some may say, this could be justified, maybe! But it is always best to talk through these issues from the outset. Give each other your expectations and provide reasoning for why you don't necessarily agree with someone's way of living. Find compromises but most importantly listen to what they have to say. In listening you can even pick up on more red flags or find positive ways of overcoming certain disagreements.

We can even argue that the reasons some couples will divorce after several years, will be because of a small red flag that showed itself in year 1 and grew into something so much bigger. If you pay attention for these warnings, then a long term partner really can’t surprise you – you can be hurt, but you can’t be surprised because they would have done whatever it is before. Let us know what you think of this theory – we’re really interested in knowing your opinions; do you think that someone you’ve been with for 5 years can do something that you never would have guessed, or do you think they will only do something they’ve shown the ability to do before… but worse?

But with all of this being said, one person’s red flag is perfect for another! For example, some people just don’t need to see you everyday during the ‘honeymoon period’, and others do. If one person can live with seeing you two or three times a week and the other person needs a solid five days per week. Both of these tendencies can serve as red flags to the other person, they’re both better off just finding someone new if they can’t come to a comfortable compromise for both. Even if it’s a red flag that isn’t due to a personal preference, for example if they are showing manipulative or cheating tendencies, then you’re allowed to leave! Especially as women, we need to know that we don’t always need to be able to define what the red flag is – if you feel it deep down inside then you’re probably onto something, it’s a good time to trust your intuition.

This was such a fun episode for us to record, we’re keen to know your opinions so feel free to send us a DM, comment on social media platforms or email us. We’d love to talk about some of your comments during the upcoming Relationships Q&A sessions.

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