Finally, we’re on love languages!!!
Hey everybody, welcome back to another blog post, this week we jump right into 'The 5 Love Languages', the international best selling book by Gary Chapman. This book delves into how different people give and receive love in different ways, and how crucial it is that we understand this about ourselves and our partners.
Have you ever found yourself wondering “why does he never just say he loves me?!”. Some women (including Rumbi and Leo 😊) value Words of Affirmation over most other acts of affection. People say that actions speak louder than words but if you’re somebody like the hosts then that’s not always true, a lot of the time it’s better heard than shown. We get that this sounds implausible if you’ve never been one to think this way but it’s true, some people would rather you just said “I miss you and I want you back” instead of dancing in the rain to 90’s RnB for 45mins outside our bedroom window.
Then we have those of us who love it when our partner displays those clear and obvious Acts of Service, it’s always amazing when they put that IKEA wardrobe together for you, pick up the dry cleaning because it takes one more thing off the To-Do list for you or even makes you a cup of coffee in the morning – this means more than all the “I love you's" in the world!
There’s always that couple that love a little (or a lot) of unwarranted public displays of affection – from full-blown middle-of-the-street-makeout sessions to needing skin to skin contact any time the two of you are in the same room. Physical touch is a biggie, it reassures many women that their partner is interested in them, but for some individuals, it’s just a nuisance (why do you have to be touching me constantly? I can see you’re in the room!) Believe it or not, there are ladies out there who really wouldn’t notice if you didn’t touch them for a week! The exact opposite can be said in abusive relationships. Someone whose main love language is physical touch which takes any form of physical abuse as a direct and definite sign they are not loved, respected or valued and would find this act unforgivable. We would wholly support that view.
For those of us who deeply value Quality Time, this new age business of being on your phone constantly simply won’t work. They need to know you are fully present and in that moment with them – it’s more than just requiring your physical presence, but knowing that the time spent is high quality, with lots of eye contact and the ability to genuinely listen and hear what they’re saying. For these types of people, not feeling heard can be a deal-breaker.
Lastly, we have our controversial gift givers and receivers. Yep, shocking as it may sound, some people just want a pretty necklace instead of a long speech about how truly, deeply amazing they are! For these people, it’s not necessarily about the grandeur of the gift, but the fact that it’s something physical that you got because you thought of them. This one goes far beyond materialism, oftentimes you can even make something small and thoughtful and you’ll get the same brownie points as if you purchased a big diamond ring with all your life savings. Receiving gifts goes far beyond the physical and hits all those emotional buttons that you just can’t see, but they can feel.
The overall point is, it’s vital to your relationship to know what you and your partner’s love language is. We tend to give love in the way we want to receive it, so you can spend years buying someone gifts because that’s who you are, and not noticing that they have never left the house without saying the words “I love you” – you would feel neglected because they never think to get you anything spontaneously apart from an anniversary gift, and they feel unloved because you rarely whisper sweet nothings into their ear.
Even for the single ones out there, you need to know your own love language! How do you expect anyone else to meet your needs when you aren’t able to articulate them clearly? If you love quality time, then spend time with yourself, take yourself to nice places and do those fun things you want to do. If you’re into giving gifts then treat yourself!!! Don’t be afraid to get that nice dress you know will look incredible on you, or that fantastic solo trip away for the weekend. Focus on loving yourself before and after you’re with someone – because people treat us the way we treat ourselves 😊
As always, let us know what you think your love language is and how you fulfil this via the comments section or DM's. How did you get to know your partner’s love language or did they already know it and clearly state it to you when you met? How has knowing your own love language helped you in life?
If you would like to take the world-famous test and go on the journey of discovering this part of yourself or as a couple with your other half; Click here.
If you’re in a couple and want to enhance your relationship with additional tools from Gary Chapman then grab a copy of the book HERE.
If you’re single and ready to love yourself so you can show another how to love you, HERE is a copy of the book for singles!