What makes A Romantic Relationship?

Hi Tea Ladies & Tea Lads!

Have you ever thought about what are the most and least important aspects of a romantic relationship? This sounds fairly straight forward but we promise you… it isn’t. We stumbled upon a survey that asked this exact question and we had this list to choose from:

  • Sex

  • Trust

  • Honesty

  • Respect

  • Communication

  • Loyalty

  • Happiness

  • Loyalty

  • Independence

  • Partnership

  • Emotional support

  • Humour

  • Forgiveness.

Now then… from this list you had to choose the 3 that are most important to you and the 3 and that are least important. If you want to listen to our thoughts on this topic, which had a hilarious ending, check out the latest episode here .

Given that nobody is perfect, you’re building a partner with imperfections and perfections of your own choosing including yourself! No doubt about it, the above list is the ‘perfect’ relationship mix – but which ones would you be comfortable with sacrificing if you really had to?

This exercise, is such a good way to analyse what’s really important to you and why it is important to you. One thing to always keep in mind is what you value might not be valued by others. For example; you might think everyone deeply values honesty but in actual fact, some people would sacrifice honesty for loyalty or even humour! Would you be okay to let it go if your partner told a few fibs here and there if you knew he/she was always going to be on your team and would never have to doubt their loyalty? What about sacrificing emotional support in your relationship in favour of forgiveness? Neither of you would be too keen on giving and receiving emotional support through tough times, but your mistakes will be forgiven, you know you will always be welcomed with open arms after something has happened that they or you regret. It’d be amazing knowing that your partner would never hold a grudge and when they say they’ve forgiven you and moved past it, they really mean it!

With all of this being said… if you had most of these aspects in a relationship, would good sex really be that much of a necessity? Never mind good sex, what about any sex at all! If you met a partner with all these qualities and they said “I will only have sex once a month”, would all the other parts of them still be that impressive?...Like really?... Seriously? We want to know your answer on this one because one of the co-hosts of the podcast (guess who that might be) was adamant that regular sex was an absolute imperative, she was happy to sacrifice other ‘dream’ qualities for it.

The fact is, everyone’s desired qualities in a partner are different, so much so that you can listen to someone else telling you the stuff that’s integral to them and the things they couldn’t care less about can just sound like the weirdest thing! You’ll be sitting there thinking “why on Earth would you ever put that requirement to the sideline?!”. But then there’ll be your own unique needs, maybe by looking at such a difficult list of qualities, you’ll realise that your sense of humour and enjoyment of it is a little lower down on the scale for someone else. The same struggles come when your partner values other aspects of a relationship that may be different to yours. The key is to appreciate and celebrate each other's values and work on a way to achieve a balance. Everyone has the independence to express themselves and pursue their own passions as an individual even if their partner doesnt share in that valued passion. But supporting that value and accomodating your partner to reach that level of romance or intimacy for them makes a relationship tick.

Lastly; Gun to your head, and you had to pick 3 least important aspects for a romantic relationship from the list above what would you have picked?

Okay, we get that this is a tough one, the question is not to say the others are irrelavant but when you pick your best 3 its the ones you valued the most even if the others are present in your relationship. Then to pick your least important aspects.. well that is where the deep therapy sessions begin. You need to look at the values you can live without and why they are not that important to you.

We would challenge you when you finish reading this to sit down with your partner; write you most and least important aspects on a piece of paper secretly then when you are done share your values and why you picked each one and chose to go without the others. This is a great way to see if you are on the same page and where you dont agree to understand what you other half values and how you can meet each other's romantic expectations.

This one will definitely get a good talk going and we’re excited to see what you all think and how your exercises went! it’s not easy!!

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