This week we changed our tactics….
If you remember on last week’s episode we asked you, our lovely listeners, to send us your opinions on “why women wait” as voice-notes, and so many of you really pulled it out of the bag! The question was based on women who meet a new man and choose to hold off on sex for a few dates or months – bearing in mind, they aren’t virgins and they have no opposition to sleeping with someone they are dating.
One really good point that was made on a voice-note was about negative past experiences. This was so impactful because this is something that most people don’t think about. Usually they think it’s about her “rules” or maybe she “doesn’t like him enough”, but sometimes it may have absolutely nothing to do with you 😊. The underlying point here is that there might be a huge reason she’s taking her time in becoming comfortable with you, it’s actually a complement that she’s still spending time on you because it could be a sign she’s making the effort to get to know you and progress her feelings. As odd as it may seem, the more sexless dating you do with her could mean the more she likes you.
Of course, there were the cultural and religious reasons that have prohibited women from sexual ‘immorality’ for generations upon generations. This ideology stands in such a huge contrast to the western world today, the effects range from waiting to have sex when you start dating someone all the way to feeling a deep shame from even becoming aroused by something or someone. We underestimate how far this sense of shame reaches; some things will just never feel ‘okay’ to do, even in a marriage, because the entire topic has been shrouded in shame since you can remember. It’s actually dangerous to shield women (and therefore men) from the truth of sex, if she’s expected to not do it until marriage then she won’t be educated on diseases, pregnancy, menstruation, self care, consent etc. There will be so much that will be deemed simply unnecessary to know about, and this is how people can end up contracting something deadly they didn’t even know how to protect themselves against.
Overall there seems to be an overall consensus on how waiting a little while to get to know someone is beneficial for both men and women. The whole experience is more intimate and meaningful when you have a sense of ‘knowing’ each other. That being said, some women really aren’t looking for that. Yep, it may come as a shock, but women’s sex drives are as high as men’s. Sometimes they really do just want you to service their engine, nothing more and nothing less. This can be a shock to many guys as we’ve been taught in such a way that makes it seem like women are very rarely aroused, and when they meet someone they love, then they are never attracted to another man again… it’s a lie. It’s important to make it clear that sometimes when she sleeps with you on the first date, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she wants to know your surname and childhood stories.
There were soooo many amazing and insightful points raised in the voice-notes we received from our listeners, it was very interesting hearing the guys’ viewpoints too. We love that we can talk about these topics and have opinions from both sides, it’s much easier and better than having girl chats based on assumptions without knowing what the other side really think.
Remember to stay safe!
As always with our episodes; we tackle a wide range of topics and we want to hear your opinions on them – some have been light and some are naturally quite heavy topics to tread on. Remember if you are sexually active, make sure to practice safe sex always, get yourself and your partner tested regularly. If you or anyone you know is having sexual health concerns be sure to visit your local GUM Clinic, Sexual Health/ Family Planning service providers wherever you are. We’re here to support and keep each other safe and happy as women.
If you have not already done so; have a listen to the episode here
Let us know your own thoughts, as always, you can comment below, email us, DM or use the hashtag #thetlpodcast with anything that’s on your mind. We’re loving getting all your personal experiences, stories and finding out where you stand, and even what you would teach your daughters about this topic!
Rumbi & Leo